Notice for staff

[x-legion.livejournal.com]

[Cross-posted to x_team]




I feel strange doing this so soon after Jean's announcement, but it would feel even stranger to just resurface and act like the last month, or what I did then, didn't happen. So . . . an explanation.

Some of you know that I've been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder -- once known as multiple personality disorder -- since I was thirteen. Some of you also know, or have guessed, that this had something to do with the events on the beach. I'll spare you all the in-depth discussion on the disorder and its aspects, but if you're interested the Sidran Institute offers a good overview. However, after recent events I owe you all an explanation of my circumstances in particular.

First, I need to make it clear that what happened in San Diego was not a normal manifestation of DID. It has to do with my powers. Functionally, the only power I have use of is telepathy. In fact, though, I'm also telekinetic. Four years ago the professor locked down my telekinesis to prevent me from doing harm to myself or others. I asked him to. At the time we had no way of knowing doing so would restrict the ego states associated with that power. I assumed that the decrease in the activity of these personalities was because I was recovering. I was wrong. The blocks on my powers kept me from integrating with the personalities that held them -- only let me bury them. That only became apparent once I accessed their powers in San Diego, and by doing so set them free.

With the personalities active again, there's a chance I can work with them to integrate into a healthy whole, like I should have been doing all these years. Maybe even gain some measure of control over my TK. For my psychological health, that's good. In the long run. But right now, I'm . . . not really what you'd call steady. I'm not sure how long it will be until I am again.

I have resigned from the team and from my position as student counselor. At the moment I'm not fit for either. The professor has advised me that he believes the school is the best place for me at the present time. I . . . don't know if I agree with him. I'm going to try it for a few weeks, see how it goes. If my condition turns out to be disruptive to the school, or causes problems for staff and students, Moira has agreed to readmit me to Muir. Until then, this is what you may find yourself dealing with.

Jack is the telekinetic. He was the main aggressor on the beach. Charles and I have made an arrangement with him that he won't go after anyone unprovoked, but he can be volatile. Normally he's only triggered by aggression or physical threats. He's not a danger to the students, but he's angry. Mostly at me. Just stay out of his way, or if you can't, don't let him see you backing down. He'll respect that, at least.

Cyndi controls the pyrokinesis. She's a little temperamental, but she doesn't want to hurt anyone. She usually comes out in instances of social stress. I apologize in advance for the fact you'll probably be hearing the fire alarm more often than normal now. She doesn't have the best control. That's something we're going to try to work on.

There's one more, Davey, but he's harmless. He's the youngest. He was also the first. When I came here in January he was the only active personality. He doesn't have any powers, and he doesn't come out around strangers. You shouldn't have to worry about him.

I don't know how often you'll see them, or even if you will at all. Before the remission I had some degree of control, but as upset as the system has been lately I have no way of predicting how things will be once I start interacting with people again. After what happened I thought it was better to be safe than sorry. If one of them is out and you need me, or the situation seems dangerous, ask for David. Sometimes that works. If it doesn't, call for Charles. He can get me back.

The alters aren't the only symptoms you may notice. You may catch me spacing out, or mildly disoriented. Sometimes if you ask me a question I might not answer immediately. However, these effects, like Davey, I've been dealing with from the beginning. They shouldn't interfere with anyone else's daily life.

So that's how it stands. If it's at all possible, I would appreciate it if my condition were not made known to the student body. Some of them have already been made aware, and I will continue to explain on a case-by-case basis. If someone asks, I won't deny it. But with as many misconceptions as there are about my disorder I think that letting it become public knowledge would do more harm than good. The students come here to feel safe. Unless it becomes absolutely necessary, I don't want to do anything that might compromise that.

I can't say this will be clean, or even that incidents like the one in San Diego won't happen again. I've made mistakes, and the problems they created won't be going away anytime soon. I can say that I'm sorry. I never intended to put the team or the school in this position. If I'd known this would happen I never would have come. But I did, and I'm here, and for a little while at least I'll have to wait and see where that takes me.

Thank you for your patience.